my name is jessica i am 30 years old and have wanted kids sence i could remember i have always been around kids and babysat... i have been with my boyfriend sence 2012 and i love him with all of my heart in 2016 i went into the er with savear pain in my upper thighs it was so bad i could not walk i was at home with my 2 neices and my 2 nephews when the pain started i had to call my mom over and we had to call there my sister and best friend to come get the kids so i could go to the er after some testing they said i was pregnant but they thought i might be having a miscarage after sime more testing and a ultrasound they said i was realy early and my was having a miscarage i went from being realy happy to the sadest i had ever been in my life i have had dr apoint ment after dr apointment trying to get pregnant again but its not happening i dont have normal periods and my utarus is tilted tordes the back i dont think i can do this any more i dont think i can keep trying i am not strong enough to keep this up im not strong enough i cant keep having the heart brake of every no that comes my way every test that shows up negative every dr vist where my dr tells me come back in so many weeks and we will test again i get dapressed and stressed out and i cant do it anymore i want a baby and my family to grow but how much more can one person take i sit and watch all of my friends and family have baby after baby and i am so happy for them but sad at the same time im 30 my boyfriend is 40 how much longer can we keep trying in hopes that it will happen one day how much more heart ach can we both take how can i keep going and trying when it is so hard when u want something so bad and work so hard to get it and its always a no negative keep trying... a bunch of you can do this.... its going to happen..... dont give up..... how how do i keep going? how do i keep my head up? how do i keep trying when its so hard? i want to keep trying i just dont think i am strong enough to keep having the heartach of being told im sorry its a negative again......do i quit trying and just go about my life and if it happens it happens or do i try even harder i dont know what to do anymore how to feel or what to think .... i feel like i am failing as a woman a sister a doughter and a girlfriend i have not given my family what they hope for what they wish for what they always talk about they always tell me its going to happen but here i am still waiting and hoping but nothing always nothing .... how do i keep going how do i keep trying.... what do i do...