Why do I feel stuoid?

After everything that's happened in 3.5 years. Planning a wedding, getting in fights and nearly breaking up, getting pregnant, having a baby, planning another wedding because I got pregnant before the 1st one happened, getting pregnant again, planning a court house wedding so we would be married before the baby got here... how how could all of this turn to shit? I love him, I want to believe that this is all just temporary and we will get back together. I feel so stupid for thinking like that but we have so much history and 2 kids together. How could planning a wedding, having 2 kids, being there for everything together, leaning on each other. being each other's best friend for 3.5 years all get thrown out the window? I don't understand, I'm really hoping he's just scared and he will come back but I'm broken and I don't know what to do or think.