Yesterday I wrote a post about how I went to emergency and everything seemed alright. There was heart beat and blood seemed to be okay. I went because I had some weird spotting. Of course yesterday was mothers-day and this news was a gift to my and his parents. We thought we have 7+1 but it was 6+2 actually. Today I felt that something is wrong. I had some really bad blood coming. We went to emergency and it was miscarriage. I felt so broken - but I think it was mostly because I felt I had let down my babies grandparents. I know I should not feel like this. But I just can't stop thinking - what if I had not tell anybody. And just waited as long it was sure. Luckily my 7-years-together boyfriend is so calm next to me. We both discussed that we felt that this baby was not going to make it. We have tried for 1,5 years. We were so happy to get the news but somehow we both felt, that was not going to last.

Anyway - if anybody is reading this and had similar situation, please don't blame yourself! My doctor said that this was natural choice and there was nothing you can do. I feel broken but I have to move forward.