HELP ME!!! I REALLY NEED ADVICE/TIPS!!!!!

Hey Ladies! I don’t know how to post this without sounding like a creepy guy who sits at home and jerks off from these comments all day...but here goes. I have very irregular periods and haven’t had one since January. Because of this I kinda have BAD pms for at least two weeks before my period. Lemme just say right here, that I cannot masturbate for the life of me. I can’t get a vibrator because I have a roommate(I’ve tried!) and I can’t orgasm. I really need some tips on how to masturbate. PLEASE IM LITERALLY LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW I NEED HELP!