So here’s my story!

My husband and I are going on cycle 22 of TTC. Almost 2 years. Before my husband, I had 3 miscarriages and with my husband 2 chemical pregnancies, one last month and one the month we started trying. I’ve always told myself and anyone i’ve shared my journey with who has mentioned it that I DO NOT want to stop trying. I feel like it’s lost time, and if it’s this hard while trying it surely won’t happen if we stop. But last night, I took a test at 4 days before AF and it was again, negative. At this point, I’m used to the tears and heartbreak, but last night was different. I had the urge to take the test, but after setting it down for the 3 minutes to wait for the line to appear, I didn’t get anxious and try to look at it over my shoulder washing my hands, i didn’t have a feeling of anticipation and excitement that this could be it, I didn’t symptom spot like all the months in the past, I looked at it and saw the bold control line and stark white remainder of the test, and threw it in the trash, walked back to the living room and watched the rest of the movie we had on. I felt a sense of relief (for lack of a better word) that i can’t explain. I want this more than anything, but I can’t let this consume me anymore. I asked my husband how he felt about doing everything we can think of for the month of June, all the tricks in the book. And if nothing happens, we stop and focus on us, on our friends, our family and stop making ourselves so disappointed every month and he said he is okay with it.

I don’t really know what my question is but maybe I want to know if you’ve taken a break and gotten your miracle baby, or if it helped your relationship become stronger, maybe if you think it’s selfish? Thanks for reading!