My Husband is an great Father but can be a little harsh and is definitely cluessless in a lot of social situations. I know a new baby is hard and can cause strain on relationships, so I’ve been trying to not let the bickering get the best of us. For the most part I’ve been able to forgive and forget all the arguments, snapping, and just general bad moods but there are two problems that I just can’t seem to get over despite us “moving past” them.

First, we had a traumatic delivery; woke up at 4am a month early to so much blood, rushed to the hospital, monitored while contractions started, wasn’t dilating properly, baby’s heartbeat kept dropping, broke water, contractions got so much worse, baby’s heart stopped, clipped monitor to baby’s head, still having heart issues so C-Section… then baby was so tiny, she couldn’t latch, wasn’t gaining weight, had issues with blood sugar levels, had issues with an odd lump on her chest, and I was having issues breathing so the Doctor confined me to bed for a week. My hormones were crashing down around me, I was crying constantly, and my husband was left to care for the baby while we were in hospital. This obviously was a lot to handle, we we’re exhausted and scared. We tried to get her to latch every two hours and just could not get it to work, we had to pump/supplement with formula, but during one of the failed latching attempts my Husband snapped at me “You’re not trying hard enough!”. The Nurse stopped in her tracks and told him I was doing the best I that I could (very thankful for that Nurse). Afterwards I tried to explain to him how hurtful his comment was, he just didn’t get it and insisted that I should try harder. It was probably the hormones but this one shook me. We talked about it again a few months later, he apologized, but he wasn’t grasping just how bad it hurt me. Maybe I’m crazy but it still hurts me.

The second problem; an inappropriate comment in a message to a woman (from a different country) he used to play online games with. He sent the message a few months after our daughter was born, I only saw the message a few months later because I was looking for a picture of our daughter he had sent his Mom. He had messaged her to say he was thankful for their friendship essentially, he was going through a rough time before us, and she had helped him. She went on to ask about his life, family, etc. he responded with the normal it can be hard but he’s happy. There was nothing wrong about the convo until he decided to add “I’m kind of sad you never returned the favour with those vulnerable pictures I sent you a long time ago”… She just sent a laugh and ended the convo, probably uncomfortable since she knew it was inappropriate for a married man. I obviously talked to him, he couldn’t understand why I was upset. I told him that it was flirtatious and appeared that he was asking for naked pictures of another woman. He claimed he wasn’t and that he didn’t realize it sounded bad. I don’t think he was looking to cheat, he wasn’t hiding it, I think he was clueless and looking for a little attention. I was suffering from severe post partem depression but hadn’t realized, crying all the time, pulling away from him, dealing with an extremely high needs premature baby. The comment was inappropriate but not marriage ending so I told him that that kind of crap wouldn’t fly with me. I have no issues with him talking to female friends but there are boundaries when you’re married. He apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again. We “moved past” it but again I’m still hurt.

For some reason today, these came back to bother me full force. I’m not sure why. So, I ask you ladies; how do you let go of things that hurt you but you’ve “moved past”? Am I crazy?