UPDATE** We had a fetal echo and an extended anatomy scan which showed that the cystic hygroma has resolved. The cardiologist found a hole in the bottom of her heart, and are concerned about a narrowing in her aortic arch so we are going back in 6 more weeks to do it all over again. Worst case scenario she will need surgery when she is born but at least she will live to have surgery. Her anatomy scan showed us in some pictures that she had three arteries but in others she only had two so we will go back in 6 weeks to recheck that as well. So we had some really great news and we are all very relieved. We aren't out of the woods yet but we are in a better spot.

I've put off writing this for a few days because I just don't know if my heart can take the mean comments that sometimes follow a controversial issue like termination of a pregnancy, but I need to get this off of my chest.

At 11 weeks we were diagnosed with a few cystic hygromas on our baby's lymphatic system mainly around the neck. We were rushed over the next week to speak with a genetic counselor about our testing options where we decided to go with an amniocentesis to get as much information as possible. Nearly a month later we have nothing but preliminary results back so needless to say we are a bit anxious and frustrated. We got a call three weeks after the amnio to schedule a fetal echo and an anatomy scan and to have a talk with our genetic counsilor about all of our results. We went in for our regular check up from our normal OB who delivered our first born and who we've grown quite close to and he tells us that our tests monday will be the last chance at information before we have to decide to terminate or continue with the pregnancy. My husband and I have talk about what we would do if we were faced with this decision and we've both said that we don't want our child to live outside of the womb for minutes just to die in our arms. I don't think that I could mentally or emotionally come back from that. I am broken because I just want my baby to be okay. I just want her to live. I dont care if she has special needs as long as she can live. I don't want to make this decision. I just can't. Ever time we talk to doctors they leave the room with tears in their eyes and that makes me feel like while they tell me to stay positive they don't see a good outcome.

I can't talk to my family because they're extremely religious and if I hear " leave it in jesus's hands" one more time I might flee the country. I understnad that everyone has their own ways of handling pressure, but I juat need someone to REALLY talk to me instead of just making small talk that only makes them feel better.