Feeling like no one gets it ...😔

Let me give a little background. I had a daughter when I was in college. I was 19. The pregnancy was a breeze. She came out perfect. Her father ended up being on drugs and we got divorced.

Fast forward about 8 years. I’m now happily married, own a home and have stable careers. We’ve been trying to have a baby a few months and end up pregnant. Everything is wonderful till our 10 week scan. It turned out to be a MMC. No heartbeat. We were completely crushed. How do you come back from that. We tried like hell a few more months and got pregnant again. We were so excited but a bit scared. First US came and there’s a perfect heartbeat. Fly through the pregnancy. It’s a breeze. Textbook and healthy. I show up two days before my due date and the rug is pulled right out beneath our feet. He’s gone. There’s no heartbeat. I already had a miscarriage how is a stillbirth possible!? But it is. It was horrible. His name was Hunter James. That was 10 months ago. I still feel like my world is upside-down. Nothing in life feels right. Can’t eat. Can’t sleep. Can’t breath. Everything haunts me.

Today I’m 30+3 weeks with his sibling. I’m scared shitless and i hate this pregnancy. I hid it for as long as I could. Most of my family doesn’t even know. I feel numb everyday. I almost feel like I’m just waiting for this baby to die too. Everyone seems so excited and gets upset at me when I’m just not. I need my feelings validated and being this sad is just emotionally exhausting. I’m tired from fighting back tears all day. Does anyone get this feeling ??