So, I had a miscarriage at week 9 in late March. I bled for about a month. After that my cycle has been all messed up. I kind of had a period, but not really, or, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

After my “period”-ish thingy, I kind of just expected my ovulation to return as usual, so I tested and tested and tested with clearblue advanced and I have gotten the smiley that blinks for the last seven days..

This morning, as what feels like always, there was still a smiley flashing on the screen, and I just felt like I would give up and just wait for my period..

BUT after work I got a feeling that I should test again, and guess what! There it was, the permanent smiley! I got so f-ing happy!

Now I’m sitting here, waiting for my man to get home and all thoughts about that I might get pregnant again pops up in my mind. What if I don’t get pregnant again? What if I miscarry again? What should I worry about? What if my cycle is all messed up and everything is just wrong? Can I do something better this time? Did I do something wrong the last time?

I’m a control freak and a planner, so this whole thing TTC was frustrating to start with, and now it feels even more frustrating.

I guess this is a messy post, but just needed to clear my mind a bit.