I picked a fight with my husband this afternoon and was straight up irrational and I knew it too. Thinking about why I feel so emotionally all over the place I realized that I just keep shoving my feelings of disappointment, jealousy and heartache every time someone else I know announces their pregnancy. That I shove all the feelings down so as not to outwardly show how upset I am. I lie to everyone and myself that I’m okay and I’m not. It’s been two years of tracking and five years all together of trying and nothing. I know I need to go get the tests done but I’m so scared of what they’ll tell us. I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to who would understand either which makes it even harder when I get his upset. My husband tries to listen and be understanding but he just doesn’t get it.