I want to preface this with a little background on me. I have three older half siblings that I’m only now, as an adult, building relationships with. They weren’t around much when I was younger and I didn’t really know them growing up. It has always bothered me, even when I was little. All I wanted was to know my brothers and sister growing up. And it is extremely important to me that my daughter has a sibling relationship with her half brother and sister because of that.

So my husband has six year old twins. I’ve posted about issues with their mom before. Long story short she’s not a very nice person and she’s made it difficult for my husband to be a father from the beginning. We moved to another state two years ago and she hasn’t let him see the kids since. She plans trips and fun things for them during his visitation and then when he contacts her about getting them she makes him feel guilty about taking them away from whatever she’s got planned. She is a very manipulative and calculating person and we think she does this on purpose. She would rather he just be a sperm donor that pays child support. My husband is a veteran and suffers from PTSD and depression. When she does these things to him he completely shuts down. She knows he has mental illness and will react this way that’s why she does it. It’s a tool she uses to keep his kids away from him.

His summer visitation starts in June. We knew she had already planned for them to go spend the summer with her mom in another state during his time. We were upset about this, but my husband felt helpless in the situation once again. So we found out yesterday that he is going to be working in their city next week and we asked to have them for the weekend (starting June 1st) so they can see their dad and his family. They have a new baby sister and we’re very eager for them to meet. She said they had already planned to help her sister move all weekend and we didn’t give her enough notice anyway. She said the best she could do was ask them what they’d rather do.

This was the last straw for me and I reached out to her explaining how much it would mean to us and please work with us this one time. She said it’s their decision. So I reminded her that it’s technically his visitation anyways and now she’s saying it’s not. I’m so fucking frustrated with this woman. I don’t understand how she can treat him this way and why wouldn’t she want her kids to have a good relationship with their dad?! She says she’s only worried about their feelings and now my husbands, but they have to be missing their dad and his feelings DO matter, he’s their parent. I told her this shouldn’t be a decision for them they should be spending time with their dad regardless of what she says they want to do.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Did I overstep by reaching out? I just want these kids to know their family. I would think having a co parent that wants to be involved would be any moms dream. Why is she fighting this so much?

UPDATE: She texted my husband and said we need to respect her as their mother and respect that fact that she cares for them without his help (well who’s fault is that..) and that I don’t have a right to speak to her about it. She said if I don’t stay out of it she won’t let him see them at all.

I’m could scream I’m so angry with this woman.