backstory: when my husband and i got married (a few years back) he was super controlling of his phone. he would take it everywhere with him. even if he would just go to the kitchen to grab a drink. And if I ever did go through it (with him right there) everything would be wiped clean. all texts would be deleted and so would his browsing history and so on. And he always had an excuse if I questioned it. such as " hate clutter from tons of messages" and "browsing history slows the phone down". well I finally broke down and snuck into his phone and found out he had been "talking" to women on Kik and omeegle and tagged. I also saw where he downloaded tinder and zoosk but they weren't currently on his phone and he claimed he didn't know what the apps did and when he couldn't "talk to women annonomously he deleted them". so we went to counseling and got a lot of help. part of the things we talked about was that i can go through his phone so i know he doesnt do that anymore. the counsoler agreed that we needed transparency amd to reestablish trust.and for a while he would let me go through his phone. when I saw a while I mean 3 years. now if I go through his phone he gets all defensive and says "you should 've past this by now" or "EVERYTIME you go through my phone you change settings" or "you delete stuff when you go through my phone". more or less an excuse for me to not look through it. then if I do it anyway he gets all mad and pissy and spends the next little while sulking. so what am I supposed the think? now let me use an analogy! We established in counseling that he had an addiction to these apps. that he got a lot of gratification and attention and couldn't break his addiction. I wouldn't trust a recovering addict to walk around with a needle and drugs always in their pocket. so why am I supposed to be okay with his addiction always in his pocket?