2 years ago on June 30th I had my first baby. I was in rehab when I had him (sober during whole pregnancy) I’m also in the court system which mean they are involved in my life ALOT. It isn’t a normal court where I go to court or see my PO and do a UA once a month. This is intensive probation. Anyway.... I had my baby with my now husband. I ended up having to put him up for adoption when he was 3 days old. I feel as if my judge had a very big impact on that decision. My judge told me I’m not ready to take care of a kid and that I should think about putting him up for adoption. So I thought about it and the more I thought about it the more it made since. I’m new sober. No job. No education. I have nothing to give my baby boy. So when I was 6 months pregnant I decided that I was going to put him up for adoption. I found the perfect family and everything. When he was born I only got to have him for 3 days. I feel I to a deep depression something I’ve never experienced. I’m already clinically depressed and this just made it so much worse. That deep depression still hasn’t gone away. I hide behind so many faces and some days I just can’t handle it. My husband always says everything will be ok. But he doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I feel so alone. I’ve been sober for 3 years now. My husband and I are trying to have another baby but nothing is happening and I don’t know what could be going on. Maybe it isn’t my time maybe I need to learn how to deal with it but I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to move on or what normal people do. I see this family with my child on Instagram and I’m happy because he is so happy but at the same time I’m thinking of the what if’s. I’m just so sad. Sorry for going on a rant. But I needed to get that out.

That him and his new family! Isn’t he a cutie!!!