Advice, please😭

So last night I was laying in bed with my boyfriend and started getting all touchy with him, trying to start stuff. He was starting to get into it and told me to get on top and “ do something about it” talking about his boner and I asked why don’t you do something about me being horny. I always am the one who takes care of him, taking care of myself in the process.. which doesn’t bother me too much but he won’t get sexual unless I start it first.. it’s not just with sex though, he won’t kiss me until I kiss him. He won’t want to cuddle until I basically force him to. It wasn’t always like that and idk why it changed..

back to last night.. I laid there waiting for him to do something, wanting him to get on me, love on me rather than me on him. And he just laid there. I put my clothes back on and got kinda quiet cause that’s the way I get when I’m upset. A few minutes later he finally asked what was wrong with me and I told him, I said I just don’t understand why I always have to make the advances towards you. Why can’t you kiss me, why cant you give me hugs, why do I have to throw myself at you for you to want me, to do anything with me. If i didn’t you’d be on your games all day. Is it so hard to just kiss me and love on me... he got quiet and I’m bawling my eyes out. 15 minutes pass and emotional me is still crying and he’s sitting there doing absolutely nothing to comfort me. I got up and told him “ why can’t you even try to comfort me? Do I have to throw myself at you for that too?” I put my shoes on and I go to sit outside to get some fresh air **got locked out in the process had to climb in through the bathroom window**

I came back into our room he’s just on his phone, I lay down now that I’m calm. He gets up and starts putting his jeans on. I asked where he was going he said “out” I said “at 3 o’clock in the morning, do not fucking do that to me. Where are you going”..”out” I told him all I wanted was to be comforted and running out at 3 in the morning is just going to make shit worse between us. He sat down on the end of the bed and said nothing. A few minutes passed at this point I’m crying again and I ask him why it’s so hard to put effort into loving me. I put myself out there for him why does he make me feel like a burden.. I asked if he doesn’t want me. If he would rather be single. He continued to say absolutely nothing. Deep down I know for a fact he loves me more than anything and doesn’t want me to leave. But he goes and says if you feel like such a burden then leave. If I’m not making you happy. Find someone that will if that’s what you want. I told him I just want a few more kisses everyday a few more moments that are just us, and asked why that is so hard? He got up and told me that I can find someone better and to pack my stuff and leave. I told him if he loved me actually loved me he’d knock his shit off.. but he continued on the fact that I’m supposedly not happy which isn’t true I just want a tiny bit more attention a little but more effort. He tried walking away from me but I didn’t let him I told him shit wasn’t ending like that. But he just stayed quiet so I packed up all my things and told him okay whatever if that’s what you want. I sat down for a second cause at this time I can hardly breathe I’m crying so much. He comes down and says “so that’s it” and I said “if you’re not gonna try and stop me I guess it is but just shows how much you care” he said I can just leave and then I freaked out. I said I’m not fucking going anywhere. There’s no reason to. We’re having an argument, arguments happen it’s called relationships. Why end it cause I asked you to give me just a bit more attention is it that hard to change that small amount. Am I not worth that change? I told him if he gives me a real reason I’ll leave and he said that he’s done making me feel like a burden. He said you should be with someone better. I told him that he was my better and he knows it why can’t he just hug me and tell me he loves me why cant he just stop pushing me away rn. I asked him so all the I’m not gonna leave stuff he said was just a lie? And he said no but if I have to tell you it all was a lie for you to leave it all was. He told me I deserve better and what does he have to tell me to get me to leave. He said that he was seeing someone else just to push me away. It was a lie. And then for the next 30 minutes I just cried and cried telling him I can’t lose him and how much I love him. He told me he loves and knows that I am so in love with him. But I deserve better. Now it’s the next morning and idk what to do, what to say. It’s going to feel so weird going forward after that I just want to drop it. I was dumb to bring it up. I started the argument, I almost fucked up everything. I just wish I didn’t say anything. I’m so upset. I can’t lose him.