Some background: I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years, we are both 25 and have lived together in our own place for over a year.

I don't know whether to give up. I don't want to. I love him with everything I have. In my ideal future he would be with me forever.

Essentially his job has put him on evenings meaning 5 days a week including weekends he works all night. While I work the typical 9 to 5. So I don't see him on most weekdays and weekends he sleeps all day then I get maybe an hour with him to make him food and give him a lift to work. So to start off I barely see him anymore and I just feel really alone and bored.

On top of that he might have depression. He won't see a doctor so its just my guess and he has said he agrees too but we don't talk about it. But basically on his days off he's often grumpy and argumentative. We don't argue if I'm in a good mood but he will stay refusing to talk to me etc. So even when I see him I dont really get to spend quality time.

He won't look for new jobs. Or see a doctor about his moods. And however much I love him I'm worried about missing out on life while I'm young. I want to travel places and try new things. I dream to do that with him but if he is so difficult that we never do anything. Am I just wasting my life staying with him? If I left I could maybe move on to find someone happy to do things with me? Or I could never find anyone I connect with so well?

Also I have social anxiety and like 1 friend who spends all her time with her boyfriend so I really have nobody else I can do things with. I wish I did but I find it impossible to make new friends it seems. I try my best to put myself out there but my shyness scares people off I guess? But it leaves me with only him. A depressed mess that does nothing but get high and mope around being angry at the world. He isn't even happy when he is high.

I honestly just don't know what to do. My heart is overpowering my brain I think. I love him too much but I know he isn't healthy for me.