I have my first appointment next week and weigh more than I have ever weighed. I had been working on losing weight and lost 20 pounds but then in the past 2-3 months gained it all back plus some. I'm more worried about what they are going to say about my weight than I am anything else. I'm 5 ft and 250 lbs... I know I'm fat, having a doctor lecture me on it won't help me at all and I have a feeling if they try I'm probably going to break down. It's not like I am choosing to be fat on purpose. Between depression and everything else, I have good times, where I get up and walk 50,000 steps a day and lose weight and bad times where I don't care and gain 20 pounds in a month.

I'm worried that me being fat is going to cause problems with the pregnancy like miscarriage.

I'm worried about being judged.

I'm worried about not even being able to have the baby because I'm too fat.

I'm not stupid, I know it's all on me and all my fault. I try to live like the rest of my family and they can eat whatever, whenever and not gain weight. I on the other hand can only eat 2 meals a day and gain like crazy. I'm older now, 31, and my kids are aged 14-8. I was never this big, or even close when I had them.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here... lot advice because I know I just need to stop eating and lose weight... more like someone who's been here, who knows what I'm going through.