I am broken 💔

So every month of TTC I tell myself ‘this has got to be our month’ and every month I’m disappointed. Every month I tell myself ‘right this is the last month I’m going to try and I’m just going to let it happen when it happens, low and behold every month I just can’t help myself because ‘what if this is our month and I miss it??’

Does this ever get any easier?

Will we ever get them 2 lines?

Will we ever see that little baby on the screen?

Am I doing something wrong?

Is someone trying to punish me?

What can I do to make this happen?!

I’ve got so much love for a child that doesn’t even exist yet, I want this little one more than I have ever wanted anything before. How do you love something that you haven’t even created?

My heart is breaking, I’m not whole anymore and I don’t think I ever will feel whole again till I get to be someone’s mother 😭