I dunno, I’ve never been girly, I’ve never had consensual sex with a guy, I’m just now in a good relationship, but I have sever social anxiety, and hearing sexual noises throws me into a panic attack, but my mind starts racing with ‘ you’re next ‘ in a bad way. I talked to her the first few weeks I moved in, because I came home from work, went downstairs to game, they were upstairs, literally sounded like they were having sex right beside me, so of course I fell into a panic attack, my gf urged me to talk to her about it, so I did, completely broke down in front of her, but we made a system, said it would never happen again.

Couple weeks later, new guy, I had work at 8AM so I headed to bed, put my cats collar on my door knob, my signal that I’m in my room. I heard them come up so I was like “ ok.. I’m gonna sleep, it’ll be fine “ and it was! For 20 minutes until it was a repeat of last time except featuring snacks and such. So I paced in a panic before building up the courage to run downstairs to try and not hear and calm down. They went at it till 4/. 4 hours.. after that, I just leave the house whenever a guy comes over. I also bought a cheap gaming headset but with a gf always wanting to talk, and not really wanting to be alone, it’s hard to use them. I’ve gotten in fights with my gf over leaving, I tell her I’ll take the laptop and we can still do our plans for the day ( we’re long distant ) but she still argues.

My roommate followed our agreement for a couple months, but lately she’s stopped telling me if a guy will come over, they just do, and I try to sneak up without her trying to introduce us because it’s always a different guy and a new random person in our house terrifies me. So I muster a quick “ high nice to meet you “ before giving an excuse to leave the house quick. I know she complains about me to her friends too, for example, the recent guy that was here, I was going through a really bad depression spell, and him coming unannounced, shit icing on top the moldy cake. I did my usually, then just slinked off, I heard her whisper to him “ don’t mind her, she’s a retard “ so originally I was just grabbing my tablet to draw, instead I left the house.

Am I a shitty person? For being a bother to her? Should I just give up, accept a panic attack is easier to deal with than her? She only cares about ringing in desperate guys, like seriously, I have not seen her bring home one attractive guy- they’re all the desperate nerdy type. She says her favourite types a nerd, and hearing her attempt to be a nerd is so painful. She’s asked me for overwatch lessons to impress guys, if she could borrow my Wii U to look cool ( cus I don’t play it anymore, saving for a switch ) and she gives me a lot of like.. “ wanna stay for a three way? “ vibes, it’s hard t explain.. but I actually want to stay faithful to one person and not use them for sex, mkay?