The short version: Is the reason for my life trouble that I became estranged from my sister?

The long version: A lot is going on I my life right now that's not good to name just a few.. sick mom, major money troubles, major work problems, my hubby is having problems I can't be of much help with, severe chronic pain and health issues for me etc.

We have a beautiful son and have been trying to conceive a second. I feel like we're on a clock because of my health. All the treatments we are trying is hard on my body. The whole thing is so emotionally draining.

I have issues with anxiety and this journey has me in a constant state of anxiety. I calm myself down by reminding myself to trust God...but lately everything feels so overwhelming I can't seem to calm down.

I have an issue with my sister that made me think God is wanting me to resolve before we will be blessed with another child. I'm not sure and would like your opinions (but please be kind I'm having such a hard time today).

About a year and a half ago I became estranged from my sister. She is charismatic and liked by most people. She is smart and a master manipulator. People dont see her for who she really is because she convinces them she's who she wants them to think she is. She is a pathological liar, a narcissist, and my abuser. As a child she sexually abused me, verbally abused me, and emotionally abused me. As an adult she continued to emotionally abuse me.

I've just put up with it and honestly blocked a lot of my childhood out. When my dad died (he was emotionally and sometime physically abusive but not as bad as my sister) a lot of my past started stirring in me but I pushed it away. I tried to stand up to her once and she wouldn't let me see my niece whom I practically raised more than she did and our rift was killing my mom. So I gave in.

When I got married and had sex it was like a box opened and all of the abuse came pouring out and all the memories and thoughts and feelings really were hard to get a handle on. I got married and her jealousy was hard to deal with. Six months later I just stopped talking to her. She convinced everyone she was a victim and tried to get people to talk with me to force me to talk with her (not because she cares about me but because she lost control). She continues to tell lies about me to our family and my friends because she knows that's the one thing that really bothers me.

My feelings were starting to have an effect on my marriage. I decided to go to a Christian counsellor. It helped a lot and I was finally able to explain to my husband what a monster she has been to me.

I have guilt that I let her make fun of embarrass my husband. When my son was born I just had this sense that I had to do everything in my power to protect him from her.

I came to the conclusion that I dont want to see her, talk to her, or allow her around my family ever again.

I've stuck to that for almost 2 years now.

I don't wish bad things on her. I just dont want her in my life anymore. I've grieved for the loss of the relationship with my sweet niece and hope I can have one again when she's older.

What stands out the most to me is that my life is SO much better without her in it. Yes I'm having life problems right now, but they would be worse if she were around.

She continues to try to get family and friends to pressure me and make me feel like a bad person for not talking to her. It's just that I've read about people with the type of narcissism that she has and they dont get better. I don't know if that all is getting to me or what but I'm wondering if God is wanting me to give in and patch things up before we will be blessed with another child.

I watched a sermon recently that said I should think of my chronic pain and health issues as a gift from God saying I need to work on myself and drawing attention to that. It has me wondering if that applies in this case too...What do you guys think?