Advice/Feedback Appreciated!!!

I'm Pansexual, and have known this for a few years, but I've only been with a girl twice. The first time I was on a lot of Xanax, liquor and Ativan... So, I don't remember anything other than that she was satisfied. That was 3 years ago. This past week, I had sex with a girl just a little high from a hit off some Cannabis, but I was present and gained a lot of satisfaction, but didn't orgasm. Now, as a preface, nobody has ever given me an orgasm but myself. I was molested by my father and his friends starting at age 6 on until I was 14.. Then, I did a lot of drugs, went through a dark period and blacked out a lot. With guys. I'm now 18. I've only really been hooking up with guys. No serious relationships because I haven't found anyone. Now this girl, I'm drawn to. And she's really drawn to me. But, I don't have the same INTENSITY as I do with men. Maybe it's because I've always been a submissive, and now I've entered girl world and I don't know what to do... The whole idea of toys and stuff grosses me out to be totally honest... Has anybody had a similar experience?? Either when coming out after being with guys or something...???