I’m posting anonymously because I’m embarrassed and ashamed.

This pregnancy was a HUGE surprise and life has been difficult starting the month we found out we were pregnant. A lot of home owner problems and expenses led to some minor financial issues. The stress this pregnancy has been immense! This has been the worst start of a year I’ve ever experienced and it hasn’t gotten better. Health problems with my husband and my youngest (16 months) For me this pregnancy hasn’t been too bad until the recent weeks as I’m getting more and more uncomfortable. The emotional and mental side of it has been terrible though!

After our fifth baby, we were sure she was our last. I had come to terms with that finally, then BOOM! I’m pregnant again. And all the other stressors came one after another. I’m always on edge and I don’t like the person I’ve become. I’m impatient and mean. I try so hard to keep my cool, especially with the kids, but I always end up flying off the handle. Because I have five kids, I’m constantly busy and exhausted. I dont have time to spend with them. And when I finally get pushed by my husband to MAKE the time, I get so stressed out because the kids end up fighting or being disrespectful and I end up not doing whatever family thing we planned on doing. Hubby is amazing and takes them to do whatever activity anyway. I know they’re kids, and they’ll argue and fight and not listen and sometimes be disrespectful but I don’t think I’m asking to much for them to LISTEN when I tell them to put their dirty clothes in the laundry. They’re old enough to throw it in he basket that’s two feet away from where they threw it on the floor! And when I have to ask them several times and they stomp around and throw a fit about it, I find that unacceptable. My husband doesn’t get it and he calls ME out IN FRONT of the kids saying it’s normal for them and I’m the one being unreasonable and expecting too much. Am I?

That’s just part f why I feel like a horrible mom. Don’t get me wrong, i love my unborn boy like i love all my kids! But I don’t want to have another baby. I’m so overwhelmed as it is! In a way, i even resent him for turning me into the mom-ster I’ve become. And for adding more stress and work for me, for more of a financial burden, for taking away the tiny fraction of time I do have with the other kids when he is born. I know it’ll work out once he’s here, it always does because I make it work, because I have to. But I don’t want to ‘have to make do with what I have’ I want to enjoy my kids and not be annoyed by everything they say and do.

Im a horrible wife because I’m was on edge and I’ll yell at my husband for stupid stuff. In the moment it doesn’t feel stupid though. And we’ve literally only had sex maybe 8 times since I’ve been pregnant. I’m almost 29 weeks!

I don’t know if I’m just stressed, overwhelmed and hormonal or if it’s some kind of pre PPD? Is what I’m feeling and experiencing normal or is this something I should bring up to my doctor at my next appointment?

**I absolutely have no thoughts or feelings of hurting my kids or anyone else! Not physically but i feel like my actions are causing them emotional damage and i feel sick even thinking I could be doing that. Please help!