is it cheating?

Question

I've never thought of watching porn as cheating. but lately I've found a LOT of porn on my boyfriends phone. We have a 1 year old son and a 3 week old son and he tells me he isn't masturbating and he's just not in the mood but he doesn't know I've seen his browser history. What bothers me is that he would rather please himself and LIE to me about it then come to me horny and have intimacy. how would you feel about it?

Answer

This is emotional cheating, and VERY damaging to his psyche and perception of women as a man, in my opinion. Be honest with him, because he probably doesn’t see it that way, he thinks it’s innocent. You can still be sexual with him without penetration at 3 weeks PP (oral, kissing, toys, etc.)
 www.fightthenewdrug.org

Answer

Well to be completely honest with a three week old you shouldn’t be having sex anyways. In three to five weeks with doctor approval. The placenta is the size of a paper plate. So currently you have a wound inside your uterus the size of a paper plate. Stop focusing on sex and your partners phone. Focus on your new baby and your healing body.

Answer

Porn addiction is a real thing, and lying about it is likely a sign of that. I’d ask him to get help.

Answer

No, I don’t consider it cheating and really have no problem with my husband consuming porn. But, he also doesn’t lie to me about watching it. He doesn’t hang it all out there, but if it comes up in conversation or whatever he’s honest. I also know he’s not shirking responsibilities in favor of watching it, paying for it, or crossing any of the boundaries I’ve told him I’m not comfortable with him crossing. If any of these things were different, I still wouldn’t consider it infidelity but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have a problem with it.  
IMO, when there is a desire to lie about porn consumption in a relationship, and/or some deep discomfort with your partner’s porn habits, that’s a great time to have a frank, honest, and kind conversation about what boundaries you want to set, what you are/are not comfortable with, and what your expectations are about honesty. 
The conversation doesn’t have to be, “You are being unfaithful and you must stop.” You are allowed to be hurt by something without it amounting to cheating. “When you actively hide this from me and lie to me, it makes me lose trust in you and I don’t like that” is a perfectly valid thing to say.

Answer

I don’t think it’s cheating persay, but can lead to cheating. For me, I have gotten very sensitive after giving birth. Sex can get really uncomfortable, really quickly. So most of the time, I prefer to masturbate. I would say ask him about it, directly. “I stumbled upon your porn stash; is there a reason you don’t want to have sex? Can we talk about it and resolve this as a couple.” Be prepared for stupid answers like, “I just don’t get off with your PP body” or something along the lines of that.

Answer

Porn is not cheating in my opinion, but if it makes you uncomfortable you're certainly welcome to express that and ask him to stop. But to expect him to not masturbate the entire time you're on post partum rest is unrealistic in my opinion, since you can't have sex for 6 weeks.

Answer

i'm currently 25 + 3. We were told at 17 + 5 no more sex until we see if my placenta moved. So it's possible we get to that the remainder of this pregnancy, and then however long post partum, there's no sex. It's taken a toll on us. I try and continue to have intimacy, it isn't his cup of tea to do it on me since i'm not about fully shaving. I'll trim it way down, but I can't stand bare with how much I sweat. I personally don't like porn, it's unrealistic and it's ruined relationships for me. My old partner's have consumed themselves with porn and never wanted relations with me. He's been watching it, I know. He dosen't know that i know it's more than he's told me. Since it's been almost 8 weeks, i'm at that "screw you" point. Our relationship is not wrecked by any means. But i'm not going to go down on you if you aren't going to show me intimacy.

is it cheating?

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