Dear ladies,

I do not know where to start but

I’m 23. Pretty average built, have some tummy, leg and arm fat yet 34AA boobs and zero butt, despite exercising for 2 years in gym. I hate myself. And have hated myself for 10 years. I have always felt too fat or too skinny + i have acne and hairy body. I am constantly told I look 11 y/o. No men has ever hit on me, not in life, not in clubs not on dating apps (no one even replies me and i do not choose “hottest dudes”) i just want someone who accepts me and connects with my ideas, thoughts and supports me but I feel like that won’t happen because if I have been told if get zero attention at 21...and it decreases with age. Well.

Okay, I do have a men in my life rn who I met at college as we work together in lab. and we only got together bc I am rather smart and witty and we had a lot to talk about and he had never met anyone who could “hold a conversation this good with him”, yet he constantly says how i’m too “skinny” and how he prefers thick, curvy, older women with big boobs and butts oh and dark skinned ladies. And i am not. And I will never be one. He has problems with getting tuned on from me so we have pretty bad sex life, he watches tons of curvy milf porn and he talks with other girls on phone sometimes (he had never cheated irl...yet).

I feel even more worthless because I can’t be what he wants (physically ). Yet I do not want to leave because i have never ever recieved even a slightest bit of attention and I do not think I ever will..

What I want to ask is your opinion and perspective on this. I know this may sound quite silly to many of you - to base my self worth on something like that, but I really do not believe I will ever be enough for someone due to my appearance. Even though it’s shallow, as I said. I have always been ignored because of it. What should I do?

English isn’t my first language but I hope I expressed myself clear enough. I just really have no one to talk to. No friends or family. So I would really appreciate your advice.