So today my morning starts the same as usual my fiancé leaves to work. And our son wakes up for his morning feeding. Well after I put him back down for a nap I feel gassy/bloated. But whatever I start to get comfortable and doze off when it hits me.

The cramping and the bubble guts begin 😰 I let out some farts and I’m like 😅 okay I’m good. I was wrong 😐 next thing you know I’m like

I close my eyes again and it gets worse so I roll off the bed like a ninja trying to not wake my 8 month old and I grab his dads bean bag and put it on the bed in case he wakes up so I can hear him moving from the bathroom. And the second I put it down the bathroom door shuts

Not only that but my son heard me put the bean bag chair down and starts rolling over to get up so now I have to tend to him and he wouldn’t go back down when I really need him to story of my life 🤦🏽‍♀️ so now I’m holding him pacing the floor waiting for the bathroom door to open again. I’m not sure how much time has passed by this point but it felt like ages. I go out to the bathroom to check the door to see if maybe they were coming out and shut the door when I heard it earlier. But no it’s locked so I go back to my room and back to pacing the floor contemplating my next move.

At this point I’m about to shit my pants I put my son on the floor to dig out the toilet paper in the closet. And of course he starts screaming bloody murder because I sat him down on the floor so I’m scrambling to find some toilet paper and he’s screaming. Of all times I can’t find the damn toilet paper anywhere so I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Then I remembered I have a fucking child so I grab his baby wipes container and there’s 2 fucking wipes left! (Side note: I’m currently spotting from having an iud put in recently) so clearly I need more than that to clean myself. So now I’m looking for his wipes refill pack and I find it finally. But where am I going to shit 👀 I’m looking for any kind of container or something. I throw the wipes on the bed and grab my son so he’ll stop crying and go check the bathroom again and they still haven’t come out!!

I go back to the room and I’m like okay this is it I’m about to take a shit in our trash can if they don’t come out in the next 10 seconds. I put my son down again and here he goes again with the waterworks 😭 and then the clouds part and heavens open up I hear the door open so I yank him from the floor and go to the bathroom like

because at this point I can’t leave him alone so he’s got to suffer with me I put his baby tub on the floor and sit him in it and let me tell you when I say I barely made it I BARELY MADE IT! After a century of waiting I can finally take a shit in peace

Hope I could give someone a good laugh now that it’s over I can laugh about it too but at the moment I was about to run outside to the next block where my mom lives 😂😂😂.

Mini update: I asked my fiancé where the toilet paper was he put it at the top of the closet 🙄🙄 ..... I’m 5’1” on a good day thanks babe 😂