Baby fever, jealousy, frustration

I tried posting this in another group and got no responses 😩

I also wanted to add my sister had her little girl the beginning of March and I have absolutely no jealousy towards her whatsoever and I love my niece to pieces. And every time I see other people out with daughters it doesn’t make me jealous it just makes me impatient for the day I can have one. So the jealousy is strictly related to my ex. And also every day I look at my birth control and go to take it I get really sad. This morning I took it and almost started crying. I would never sabotage it as obviously that would be the wrong thing to do and my relationship is still new and I don’t want to end up in a worse position. But it’s still very hard.

EDIT: I am extremely grateful for my children and I consider myself very blessed and thankful to have them. This was in no way intended to offend people who are having trouble ttc because I can not imagine the pain they are going through and I truly hope each and every one trying for a baby is able to have one. I love my children more than anything in the world and they are the light of my lives. However I can’t help how I feel. And I refuse to censor what I post because some people may get offended by it. I truly do feel sorry for people who can’t have children or who are having trouble. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to feel the way I do. I’m just looking for people who have gone through similar experiences, or who may understand how I feel. And believe me there are plenty of people who were disappointed in the sex of their baby and still loved their child just the same, just like I do. As I said in the post I realize I can’t scientifically chose the sex of my baby, nor would I ever try. That, again, doesn’t mean I can’t feel the way I do.