I’m going to apologize if this is a long post for some to read but going to share my story, I don’t think I ever understood until now. My husband and I got married in December, we have been together 8 years. We decided to start trying after the wedding but didn’t really focus on tracking my cycle much. After my period 3/28, I bought an ovulation kit just to try and see what my cycle was like, I also had 3 different apps tell me different ovulation days but all specific to the same 5 day range. I tried the OPK and when I got the smiley face we tried, actually were at it that whole week prior to smiley face, but with a bit more energy. I was due for AF 4-26, that week I felt a bit strange, my breasts were really sore, more than usual before my period so I had one First response test and used it without any enthusiasm just to try, and it was positive. The happiest day of my life , I now understand the connection was immediate. The calendar put me at 4 weeks 3 days then, I called the doctor and they scheduled me for confirmation and blood tests the following week. My husband and I beyond excited, started planning the whole year, when I tell you one goes to the clouds I mean it. My GYN did a pap, said it was standard, and told me to expect spotting, which I did have the next day with cramps so I was freaking out and left work to go home And rest, then it stopped. I went on to week 6, equally happy, experiencing minor cramps here and there, which the doc reassured me was normal. Week 7 came along and I was good, no morning sickness, just light cramping and breast soreness, also extremely hungry. I heard and read that many women have no symptoms (like morning sickness), so I was ok. Until one night towards the end of that week I wiped and saw some light brown, didn’t think much of it then. I was going through a lot of stress at work, also leaving on our honeymoon within a couple of days. The spotting continued and the cramps intensified, I was scared but it was a Saturday so I waited until Monday to go to the doctor, the first US was scheduled that day as well. I knew it wasn’t going to end well. I prayed my heart away. Went to the doctor, wearing a pad out of fear I would start bleeding, the doctor explained to me that until the scan we wouldn’t really know, so I went home and returned that evening. Also my RH was negative, so he recommended Rhogam in precaution, though he said it wouldn’t prevent anything really. So I got it anyways. I went back for the scan and there was a fetal sac, with something inside, but no fetal heart beat 😔. The ultrasound tech kept saying “I’m

Sorry” , my husband was quiet, I just knew and sat there. The doctor came in and took us to another room, he said the size was 6W6D, that even as early as 4-5 weeks we would see a heart beat, he was very nice about it too, which is why I love him. I listened to his options but decided to do it naturally, we were leaving on our trip the next day, a long flight so our doctor was concerned with heavy bleeding and cramping. I went home and broke down, packed as best as I could. I expelled the fetal cells on the second day of our honeymoon, experienced heavy bleeding and cramping, but nothing compares with emotional pain. I’m doing ok, considering. I feel like everyone celebrates a pregnancy and talks about it, this also needs to be recognized as many women go through this pain, 1 in 4 is the statistics—pretty sad. I know nature takes its course, I’m

In the medical field so I see it from a medical perspective as well, but I know a pain that has changed me in so many ways.

Hopeful this too shall pass, and pray I’m

Able to have a healthy baby in the future.

Thank you for reading this.