Old Habits Die Hard

For some years I was physically, mentally, and sexually abused by my ex boyfriend. He would beat me with broomsticks through the night, throw hot coffee on me, if I didn't want to have sex he would rip off my underwear and threaten to rip my skin off with it if I didn't let him in. He has literally kicked me out in the street with a t-shirt and underwear on and the list continues. After I got away I would change my number every few months, even though I knew he couldn't get me from prison, I had nightmares every night, I was never comfortable living in one place for too long, and I would avoid certain parts of the city I knew either him or his friends hung out in. It has been almost 5 years since I left him and 2 years since he got released from prison and although I own my own place, I still find myself doing the rest. I hate that I am still like this. I have an amazing man now and since being with him the nightmares have stopped but I know he sees how tramatized I still am and I feel horrible for it. I'm still taking it one step at a time but it is still difficult for me to forget the life I had with my ex. It haunts me. The only thing good that came from that relationship was my first son and he found a way to take that from me too. I know I'm just protecting myself, but god, I wish I still didn't feel like I have to. You know what they say, old habits die hard.