breakup

Me and my boyfriend broke up after a year. He started going to a private school right when we started dating and i stayed back at the public school that we both used to go to together. We made it work for a whole year. We lost our virginities to each other and it felt like it was never going to end. It was super difficult to see each other because he was involved in a ton of sports at his school and he always had stuff going on. All i ever valued was his time and he made me feel like a bad person for it, like i was in the wrong for being upset that we could never see each other. I think what hurts the most after all of this time is that i have all of these memories with a person that i don’t even know, or one i thought i knew but turned out to be totally different. He started to emotionally abuse me as well as put his hands on me towards the very end of our relationship. It’s so difficult to not cry when i think about the situation. Idk how to cope with any of it.