So Ive always worked, ever since I could get a job as a teenager. Im now in a profession and position that I love. I've been at this job for the last few years now and Ive been working full time up until I went into labour. So my son was born and I went on maternity leave. I planned to take my full year off (where I live it's a full year of half pay) to be with my son. Well, it's been a month and I bored out of my mind. The house is spotless to the point I can't find anything to clean (I polished silverware yesterday just to do something!) and with only my husband and I there isn't a ton of cooking that needs to be done either. My son isnt a lot of work. I wish he was more because then I'd have something to do! I try to get out of the house and do things, but even that gets old. Its just walks in the park, shopping and meeting up with some friends. Most of my friends work so I don't really get to see them. I have a few friends in the neighborhood that are SAHMs which is nice, but we're not close. They're lovely women, but they really only like talking about their kids and PTA/charity stuff they do. Which is great for them, but that's just so not me (my close friends and I talk about science and medicine mostly- yes I know we're really nerdy).

I just can't take it. I feel so lazy and unproductive all the time. I've read all the books on my to-read list and I have fed the neighborhood way too many cookies! My son is wonderful and I love spending time with him, but I want to go back to work. I miss working and the mental stimulation. At work I can help people and do what I love. I just don't think I can be a SAHM. I hate it.

My husband knows I'm unhappy right now and thinks going back to work wouldn't be a bad thing. My work will take him at their day care next month so I could go back to work and actually still breastfeed with some pumping. I'd also be right there if he needed me. The day care staff are amazing too. But today, one of my neighbours mentioned how she thought it was great I was becoming a SAHM because women that don't raise their own kids when they are are to be SAHMs are shitty mother's. I personally don't think that- I have amzing parents and they both worked my whole childhood. So I think you can be an amazing mother even if you work. But, then I start thinking about what everyone will think of me and that maybe I should at least stay home for a year as originally planned? But of I do stay home Im scared I'll start resenting my son and hate my life and that could hurt my marriage too. I just don't know what to think.