My baby passed from my body and I haven't been the same since. I was due December 29th. For 4 years I have planted flowers every year on the anniversary. And for 4 years I felt I didnt deserve a baby, I couldnt even bring myself to want one because to me, it didnt seem fair. My body failed to carry my baby that I wanted so much, why should I have another one? It Took 4 years before I forgave myself and its all thanks to my boyfriend, Rusty, who helped me see different. He held me while I cried, he told me I could let it all out and he just held me as I accepted that I do deserve to have a baby to love on, a baby that will be our baby, and they will have so much love. I wanted to share a poem I had written when I lost my baby for all of you who may be looking for the perfect poem to help you heal or to help you feel. I hope you like it. Heaven I cant

Heaven you have you have my baby.

I hope you understand.

To me that tiny being is precious, if only I could hold their hand.

Heaven I can't.

Heaven do you know how their little face would look.?

Do you know how they would sound in a laughing fit?

If only l could hear it.

Heaven I can't.

Heaven do you know how much it hurts?

Do you know I cry so often?

Do you know how to make it stop hurting?

Heaven I can't.

Heaven can you tell my baby how much they mean to me?

Can you let them know I'll always be their mommy?

Heaven can you hear me?

I need you to hold them for me tonight because,

Heaven I can't.

~Carson Spencer