Keep LYING... I obviously LOVE it


I constantly find myself in both romantic and non-romantic relationships with no meaning and often I’m being taken advantage of, having a child for a man that has no respect for me, he’s obviously cheating and gets so angry when I call him out on it, but he’s seriously stupid about it like condoms in his trash can that obviously weren’t used with me and hair left in his bed that isn’t mine... he’s bald... but every time I call him out he makes up very poor excuses and tries to make me feel like the bad guy for accusing him of such things. So now just waiting for the day when I run into one of his other women or I have some other undeniable piece of evidence for him. I can’t bring myself to leave on my own I’ve tried and we always end up back together, I know it’s from my terrible lack of self esteem and I have a really big fear of abandonment. I’ve accepted that this relationship is going nowhere and I hate it, I hate being near him but at the same time I can’t leave? I should mention I’m almost 42 weeks pregnant now, I’m hoping that once she’s here I won’t feel so alone and I’ll be able to get away from him, I’m only 19 and hate that I’ve let this go so far. I really just want him to stop denying shit and be real with me so we can at least be civil with one another as parents of our baby but if it’s to the point where I have to dig for the truth so he can no longer deny it then we won’t ever be able to have healthy communication. Like I don’t care go see other people but do not come back to my bed and tell me you love me, end this relationship and then go fuck around, like he doesn’t pay attention to me or take me out or do anything that would make me feel loved, so what’s the point of keeping me around. Im so miserable at this point I don’t know what to do, just waiting for my baby girl and hoping that this asshat will come to his senses, I just need the closure of being told the truth so I can move on. I don’t want another romantic relationship after this I just want to focus on being a mom and finishing university as well as filtering out all the other fake people in my life... just needed to unload and rant... lol so done being pregnant