I'm so fucking frustrated. The only thing keeping me from crying is the fact that if I start I won't be able to stop myself.

So I had gotten all the costs and information for my surgery and cystoscopy (for re-current UTIs) and I had budgeted for that. I get to the hospital to pre-register and they tell me I am supposed to pay 20% on top of my co-pay (which is the amount I had originally been given). I looked at the officer like you got to be fucking kidding me. So he tells me well just pay the co-pay and the insurance can deal with the rest. I'm like you best bet the insurance will deal with it.

After I finished registering I go to the cashier to pay off my balance for my hospital stay last year. I tell them I want to pay off my balance on my account and they ask me which one. What the hell, what do you mean which one? They then proceed to tell me I have SEVERAL balances that I owe on. So they write them all out for me. Turns out the insurance didn't fully cover all of my doctor's visits or my labs for when I had the UTI. I'm like what the fuck? So I just pay the balance I was planning on paying and walked out of there.

While I am still fuming, I get home and I am about to call my coworker because she needed some information from me when my cellphone rings from an unknown number. It's my urologist. He had just gotten my lab work back from my OB and turns out I have a fucking UTI again. He sounds just as perplexed as I am and informs me that he is cancelling his procedure because he does not want to do the cystoscopy while I got an active infection. While I am glad that at least that means I get to save some money, I am upset because I got an infection again and I don't know why and won't get any real answers for a while now.

My OB is still going to do the laparoscopy so I am still scheduled for surgery for 10:30 am tomorrow. I'm still terrified but now I am like ready to throw in the towel because between these UTIs and the whole money situation, it almost makes me wonder if it's worth it or if maybe the universe is trying to tell us parenthood is not for us.

I'm so upset over this and my head hurts because I am starving because I can't eat anything at all today. Strict liquid diet and it's not filling enough. I feel so helpless and hopeless. Why must adulting be so hard?