LONG POST.

It all started with bright red blood. I’ve bleed in the past pregnancy but never like this. I thought it would just go away. It didn’t. After going to the hospital and having to wait a dreaded amount of time I was finally wheeled to ultrasound to see that my baby that I thought was 11 weeks and 4 days no longer had a heartbeat and was actually only the size of a 8week 5 day fetus. To only make things worse we needed to make another appointment with the OB. At this appointment we didn’t expect to revive a ultrasound. However the Ob wanted to confirm that there was no heartbeat. As I lay back and watch I do dearly wanted there to be a heartbeat and to know everything was going to be okay. Once again I had to go through heartbreak. I felt like the world stopped and I slowly drifted away. Just like any miscarriages our usually are given three options. 1.wait it out (I couldn’t imagine the pain I’d suffer if I had to see my son/daughter in such a state) 2. A pill to open the cervix( again I mentally wouldn’t be able to handle this) 3. D&C.; My husband and I decided that this would be the best option. What I didn’t know was that even with D&c; I would still pass some tissue. Have cramps and bleeding. I feel so broken. I wish I knew why. Why this happened.It’s only been 3 days but the only thing keeping me going is my son. I feel as if I will never get over losing my baby.