okay. I'm not someone who typically airs dirty laundry. but I'm feeling like there is no one to talk to right now. I'm 38 weeks pregnant. my husband and I live states (10 hrs) away from our closest friends and family. we are both pretty independent people but I've definitely taken the separation pretty hard (separation from friends, mostly). we have issues with both of our families-we are so much more mature than our parents (trust me- I just can't believe some of the things our parents do to each other and us). so most of the time it is so nice to be further away because of the negative energy and critical attitudes they foster. but it's been hard with my pregnancy. My mom feels entitled to everything about my pregnancy. I guess because she sees me as her baby...and my sister had our mom at ALL of her apts and in the room when my nephew was born. so I guess she expected me to be the same way. but I have a completely different life and circumstances than my sister did.

at first, my mom was going to come and stay a few days before my due date and be available to take care of our home and our 4 dogs when I go into labor. Well then she was like, "I'm going to be at the hospital!!" and I let her know that it's just going to be me and my husband in the room and I was really hoping she could take care of the house and dogs because they are basically my children now! and she wasn't having it. she felt like she was entitled to being the first one to lay hands on the baby. I let it go, knowing that the nurses/staff would allow me to decide on the visitor situation. but then my mom tells me all the sudden that her and my dad are coming now and even my dad is expecting to be in the room! look, they are family. so I'm trying to be respectful. But I am really not a fan of my dad. He is a very very disrespectful man. I dont like the way he treats my mom or people in general. and he has to be waited on hand and foot- be reminded to take a shower, doesn't clean up after himself...etc. So, at this point I tell my mom just don't come. She is a capable woman, but I truly just dont want to compete with my dad when it comes to care. my mom swore she wanted to come to take care of me. so when she broke the news about my dad, I immediately knew that it would now be my dad first.... so anyways I said dont come right away- they are coming now for a week about 2 weeks after the due date and I told them they would have to get a hotel. okay, great-right?!......

well then my sister in law who is about 18, tells my husband her and her gf are taking this long road trip and will end up in Texas a couple weeks after the baby is born-the same week my parents will be here and expecting that she is staying with us. and I tell my husband, "absolutely not, no one is staying here. I'm not going to entertain anybody" and he basically made me feel guilty that I wont let his little sister stay here.... so now I have guilt from my parents, guilt from my partner.

I also told my sister she wasn't able to stay with us when she wanted to visit (which would be a week after the due date) not to mention my sister and I have always had a terrible relationship. we are civil, but we have always kept a distance because we really struggle getting along...

and she thought I was satan for telling her she'd have to get a hotel...

then my grandmother tells me today: "your mom, your grandmother, and your sister have all been through this" in a condescending way. She also suggested that I was being unreasonable and have hurt my mom's feelings for not even considering her being at the hospital.

so now there is all this guilt tripping and seems like no one actually cares about the person bringing the baby into the world!! I'm at such a loss. feeling stressed, overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, on top of being very pregnant and ready to be done!

my husband and I are typically great communicators, and we have been together 12 years with an amazing, supportive, healthy relationship!!! but everytime I try talking about it, it's like I am still the bad guy! he begged me to let him be the only one in the delivery room (and I do want the same thing)- so i had to be the bad guy with my parents... but he is making me feel so bad about not wanting his little sister here.

I am at a point where I just want to do everything myself. like labor, delivery, and taking care of the baby by myself. just not be around anyone. no help, no one holding my hand. nothing. I am just so over trying to make sure everyone else is happy.

sorry it's so long. just feeling so alone!!