My Story

I’ve been on Glow for sometime now but haven’t really posted much. I mostly spend my time on here looking at everyone’s amazing stories and support. I wanted to break my silence and am feeling the need to just let it all out.

I have an amazing 3 1/2 yr old son from my first relationship. He was my miracle child as my old OBGYN found I was close to 80% infertile for a reason they couldn’t pinpoint. After he was conceived I went on Mirena which lasted until this January. His father and I were engaged but just toxic to each other and when he was 1 1/2 we split. However we have coparented amazing and get along better than we ever have. I’ve settled in with my boyfriend for the past few years and we now have a house together (rent not buy). He knew I was off Mirena and had remained off all birth control because for some reason or another I have a progesterone issue. Based off my track record my new OB advised against getting on anything for at least 6 months to see if any issues came up. Which they did. I didn’t get a cycle until March then April was missed. Turns out I was 5 wks pregnant. At first he was excited, then it turned into fear, suggesting other methods of getting out of items( if you know what I mean). Well he got his wish and the next day after finding out, I miscarried. I wasn’t planning a second kid anytime soon but after finding out I became more for it which made the loss pretty rough. My OB mentioned when we were ready again I’d need to get on a supplement for the progesterone or this would keep happening. We had decided to wait 3-6 months until we would try again knowing it would be a difficult route. A month ago we moved into our new home. During that month I had a period on May 8th until May 15th and then 17th through the 27th I had medium-light brown spotting (I’m guessing since some days it was heavy and others not so much) so I don’t even know if I should count that as anything but spotting. Tracking anything has been difficult. Since we moved in after down there had stopped its nonsense he wanted sex just about daily or every other day. Mind you we’ve never been this active. So I went with it. Not once did he use any form of protection. I didn’t question it either. After a week of going steady I called up my OB. I had been bringing up diet change, fitness, and supplements in front of him often. In my mind it triggered that he wanted to try again. So sitting next to him on the phone with my OB to order the script he heard the conversation of “yes we’ve been actively trying but my cycle is off, I don’t know if I’m technically late but tests show negative” and we developed a game plan. Shortly after HE drove me to the store to pick it up, acted just like always. The last 2 days when I tried to get frisky he brushed it off. So I finally confronted him. He mentioned how he was mad at me for starting this script because we had agreed we wouldn’t “try” until 3-6 months. But if it happened then it happened. Even though not being on this script if it happened would result in another loss. Then brought up he wanted me to stop taking it and if his carelessness caused us to conceive then so be it but he didn’t want me taking anything to guarantee better odds. None of this makes sense. He would rather continue to be careless with no consequences for himself but another loss for me as long as it was before the agreed 3-6 months would be fine. I’m completely heart broken and I can’t trust him. Last night consisted of nothing but arguing until 3 am. Coming from a guy who’s been nothing but incredible and supportive I don’t know where this comes from. I still have some time before I test again since no period yet. I don’t know what I’m hoping for. I don’t know how we can continue forward after all this.