I want to tell my story, mostly for my own proces.

We were TTC baby #2. On cycle 2 we got pregnant.

We found out 5th of june with a very faint positive. I kept testing several times to make sure it would get darker, wich it did.

On tuesday i started to have some pink discharge when i whiped, no cramping. I called the obgyn who assured me that was completely normal and nothing to worry about. After that one time, i had nothing the rest of the day.

Wednesday i had some pink discharge again. It was either once or twice when i went to the bathroom.

Then on thursday i took another pregnancy test, the last one i had. And it came back darker again.

Later that day i started to have some mild cramps. And i had some pink discharge again. But this time, it started to look more red than pink. Later that day when i came home, it was red. I called the obgyn again, she told me it could still go either way. But if i would miscarry, i would have severe period cramps or even contractions. And i would start to bleed heavy like on a period.

We waited and we both cried. Minutes seem to go by so slow, since i was waiting for hell to break lose. But later that evening cramping and bleeding stopped. So i still had a little hope left. But there was this voice in my head, that had been there since the first faint test, that told me things just weren’t right. And i kept telling that voice to shut it’s mouth, that everything would be fine.. but that voice was right..

Friday i started to have mild cramping at around 11 in the morning again. And had some bleeding. Again not a lot. I was convinced it would get worse. So i stayed home, affraid to get a bloodbath while i was out of the house. The bleeding just got slightly heavier around 4. Just so it wouldn’t only be on the toiletpaper anymore. But some drops would actually come through my panties. So i put a pad in my underwear. The cramps stayed mild and would ocassionally fade away.

Then around 5:30 when i whiped, i got the amniotic sac onto my toilet paper. I called the obgyn. She was suprised i had no pain and no crazy amount of bleeding.

I can come in on wednesday to do an ultrasound. To make sure there isn’t a second baby and to make sure i’m “clean”.

My feelings are all over the place. One moment i’m heartbroken and disappointed. We lost a baby. And we were so happy that we got pregnant on the second cycle. And i’m affraid now it’s going to take another year of trying again, like it did with our first born. This is my first miscarriage, and i was praying i would never have to go through this.

But than i’m happy, that it happen this early. That it happen so quick and without a lot of pain or blood. Wich would have made it much more traumatic. I’m happy i have a healthy first born. And i tell myself everything happens for a reason. This baby wasn’t able to make it, and there’s nothing we did that could have changed that outcome.

I just hope, we can soon be pregnant again. Of another healthy baby. And i will forever love the one we lost. Even tho it was still so early, i was dreaming about the future with this baby. And i already loved it.