I was just going to comment under “Another Ramadan Gone”, but realized this may deserve its own discussion topic.

For this Ramadan, I didn’t meet all of my goals (like finishing the Qur’an completely) but I did walk away with some new knowledge of Islam and also some important personal insights.

1. I haven’t been active on here for quite a few weeks now because I have been traveling through Colombia, South America, with three friends. Our trip is almost up, but I think it made it hard to keep up with regular Qur’an readings. One of my friends is Egyptian and we have been having a lot of religious concerversations, plus I have been reading (but not replying) to the Islamic knowledge posts circulating on here (thanks Ladies)!

2. Not having the chance to fully experience Ramadan this year weighed on me so heavily and then to see all of my Muslim friends experiencing Eid made me feel left out. But why is this the case? I haven’t technically decided to convert, yet I feel such a longing for these things. I spent most of this month feeling a little alien to myself.

3. I believe I have earnestly gotten to the point where I feel like I am almost ready to embrace conversion, but there may be a lot of important life changes coming up that makes me wonder how to work converting into all of the other things. Right before I started my Colombia trip, I spontaneously applied to a teaching job in South Korea and the potential employers are very eager for the job interview the 26th of June (please make some douas for me) when I get back from my trip. The thing is, it is a private international boarding school in a country that does not care (or have systems in place to protect) personal religious representation in the work place. I really want this job. But then, when I imagine myself converting, I have pictured myself wearing hijab. I have seen a hijabi Youtuber teaching in South Korea and her employers being tolerant/neutral about it, but I’m not sure that is the norm or I would be so lucky. If I were to convert before going to Korea and decided not to wear hijab for workplace security, does that mean my conversion is marred by small cowardice on my part? Or if I didn’t wear hijab at work, maybe I could still experiment with it outside the school and just take this as an opportunity to ease into it?

6. I’ve just gotten to the point where I feel silly not referring to myself as Muslim and dancing around the fact that I feel highly in-tune and attached to this faith. I wonder if I were to get this job in South Korea that God is giving me a chance to convert, discover, and ease myself into the life of a Muslimah without having to worry about opinions or pressures from home.

7. Another thing - I may not get this job (I still have the interview to do) but either way, I feel that it is pretty much time for me to be serious about my faith and make that choice to convert. It is just a curious thing to actually do. The one thing I know is that I don’t want that sense of longing and alienation anymore. I would rather be a physically isolated Muslimah revert (I have no close Muslim friends who live nearby) than feel spiritually isolated from Allah.