I’ve never dealt with something like this so I’d like some advice on boundaries, I guess.

My sister in law, who was my best friend for years, has recently gone wild. Constantly cheating on her husband, spending the entire weekend, every weekend partying with men while her kid sits with Grandma, who is still a single mom of two younger kids. I know she used to do drugs, though i have no idea if that’s still happening.

Around them it’s SO toxic and her son is troubled (can’t blame him with feeling unwanted like that). He is also not yet potty trained at 4 1/2 and is delayed due to no one working with him. Barely talks and has almost no knowledge of anything beyond a couple colors. I unfortunately cannot have my kids around him because he hits and kicks, etc. I feel bad about that, too.

Now, she’s a cop so this behavior could threaten her career. Not only that, but her child is suffering greatly because of this.

I feel like as a very close friend and aunt I would have the responsibility to kindly and lovingly talk to her about this self destructive behavior. Since no one else has. But the thing is, we could hardly be called friends anymore, even though we used to be closer than anyone. It’s hard to let go of that urge to try to help the situation of someone you’ve cared so much about... yet I’m not sure if that’s what I should even do.

I know for a fact that as a mom, I have to say something about my kids not being allowed over there, but as someone who isn’t close to her anymore and not family, I’d feel like it’s not appropriate to go further than that. Am I correct in this? SHOULD I go further and talk to her about what’s hurting her family and friends or stay silent and simply protect my little ones?