We found out on Friday that our baby’s heart stopped beating only days before our ultrasound... Baby was 12 weeks grown and it hurts to know we were so very close to the “safety” of the second trimester.

We had a 6 week loss in February, followed by a 4 week loss in March before we conceived our most recent loss in April.

I have opted to just have a D&C; but the loss clinic isn’t returning my or the midwifes calls. I am getting frustrated, it’s been about a week since the heart stopped beating, and I expect the miscarriage to start naturally any day now which is the last thing I want. At 12 weeks, the baby already looked like a real baby on the ultrasound and passing it at home and having to see it would only be traumatic to me at this point.

We haven’t had a successful pregnancy yet, and after three losses I am considering pursuing testing/help to see if there is something wrong with me that causes this to keep happening. I am terrified to try again and face another loss. Miscarriage has a way of ripping the joy out of any future pregnancies, and after this loss at 12 weeks when I allowed myself to be hopeful, I don’t think I can find the same joy and hope in another pregnancy after this. I feel broken and lost. I just want my baby back...