Ruffly 4-5 months ago I discovered something that I wish I didn't.

My boyfriend has this old phone that he keeps around, I never thought anything of it until I noticed it was always in different locations. I remember asking "what with this phone laying around?" his response "it just has some old contact that I need to use occasionally" I thought nothing of it... until one day it hit me. I had racing thought like "is he cheating?" and ect. So one day I decided that I was gonna get to the bottom of this! I turned the phone on and got threw the passcode in one try. the phone was empty! no contact, no messages.. I was completely confused! until I went to the internet browser and BAM! I realized it was a "porn phone" which is fine.. I'm very open minded and I don't care if he watches porn, it just wasn't what I expected. it was shemale porn.. as you can imagine for days I wondered if my boyfriend was gay.. it scared and broke my heart all in one. this is someone I want to grow old with. but it broke my heart in the same breath.. why? because if he is infact gay or even bisexual it shouldn't have to be a secret!

in the past couple of months I realized that maybe he isn't gay. maybe it's just a fantasy. In all honesty the women look like women just with penises lol. I just don't know what to think. I can't talk to him about it. it's embarrassing and I went threw his stuff.

really I just needed to vent and get some thought on my situation.

*** just to explain more in depth, I'm a fairly open-minded person! I won't lie I was scared of s*** the first time I saw what i saw! I slowly realized that what if he was watching a women peg a guy? what I view it with differently? all in all I just needed to let out my thoughts and received some positive feedback. I love him more then anything.. truly. I just needed to be heard in order to move on. *