Names have been changed, what’s wrong with me ?? Am I the only one like this ? I’m 14 😔

6/18/18Tonight R told me I am always horny and asked why ... I told him because he’s really sexy and I’m always thinking bout him so that’s why but ... that not the whole truth I just ... when I was with D he was always horny and wanting things from me like to take my top of for video chat , to watch porn with him and the masturbate on video chat for him and whenever said no he became disappointed or angry . .. DE was the same way he forced me to kiss him and asked me to sit on his lap when I told him I wouldn’t he was disappointed in me , DO pushed me against a wall to show he was stronger ... I guess I always act horny cause I’m worried I’ll disappoint him someway if I’m not or he’ll stop loving me ... even though I know he’s different from all of them I don’t wanna let him down in a way cause the girls before me like A and C where always acting sexual and he’s had sex with 3 girls before me ... I gairentie their all prettier then me . And when he’s fingering me or eating me out I feel loved in a way and I feel like I’m making him happy so I won’t tell him if it hurts or not . I don’t know I just never want to disappoint him 😔or anybody I already feel like a disappointment most the time I just wanna make every one proud of me

Update : I do focus on school, I make straight As in all advice classes and am in a medical program training to be a nurse