So about 4-5 days ago I wasn't doing so well, my body wasn't feeling right, I mentally was not ok. You see I have friends that are the world to me now, they mean everything to me.. One of my best friends who has been with me since i was 8, she had bad family problems, I try to comfort her but it's so hard since she moves a lot. I love her so much she is like the sister I never had. Anyways she and my other friends talk over messenger a lot weather were joking or if someone just need to talk because they're bored. They are all so amazing but since I haven't been feeling right, I went offline for the past 4 days or so. I thought it would help me feel better getting a break because I wanted to fix everything. It's not working out I'm still doing the same things which let me tell you is not very good, all I do throughout the day is lay in bed not wanting to get out and be on my iPad, that is really it, I'm a night owl so I'm usually always up through the night, it's kind of upsetting to me that I'm more active during the night then I am during the day. I always talked to my friends throughout the day and always at night. I wanna talk to them, I didn't leave them for just me, I needed a break and I didn't wanna spread my negativity, all of them go through something rough I didn't wanna make everything harder. Now I know this is unpopular but I HATE it when people worry about me it makes me feel selfish and pity, it makes me feel weak and I just want to cry at the thought of someone worrying. The only person I cry to is my best friend and she already goes through enough every single day. I don't wanna be a burden. I wanna talk to them but I just don't wanna be that person that's just sitting there silent. It's hard for me to explain my feelings because I end up messing it all up in the end. I try art to draw out all my feelings but it all just goes blank, I feel empty in a way I can't really explain, that feeling that is just there, that void in your chest that just hurts. I don't know what to do with myself I'm still young I'm 13 I wanna be happy but I don't know how to help that. As I write this I'm laying in my bed in the dark, I feel confused, alone, I feel like I'm struggling to get away but i don't know why or what. I need help, something that will just help me hold on to what I've got. I wanna tell someone close but I can't I'm scared, I'm afraid I'll be judged, afraid someone will look at me different. I want to keep things the way they are just with less depressing feelings going everywhere