I always wait/look for a text from him :(

So me and my ex broke up a week ago and I was with him for three years .

We never really fought until two years into it .. he wouldn’t trust me cause he caught me talking to a guy ,

I didn’t like the guy at all . I hung out with him , didn’t hug or kiss Him or nothing . The guy did like me or at least thought I was pretty but I wasn’t interested in him , he WASNT my type and way shorter than me .

(btw my ex and I were on a “break” that HE wanted ! And I didn’t even think it was a break he just broke up with me but apparently he still wanted to get back with me ) .

So after the break He asked me to hangout we drank , I wanted to sleep early cause I get tired when I drink, so he got INTO my phone and saw messages between me and the other guy on snap chat . The guy would say things like “goodmoring beautiful “ and I promise I never flirted back ..

Idk why I had to saved the dang messages anyways 😭

But ever since then he never trusted me and I always told him how sorry I was how I regretted it and I told him I had no interest in that guy .. he had so many trust issues , he never believed the things that I was doing when I wasn’t with him he would bring up what I did in every fight telling me he can’t trust me .

I’ve never ever cried so much over how sorry I was for what I did (for talking to someone who wasn’t him) I wanted to die sometimes , I’m so sorry for it .

I grew to love him so much !! We hung out like EVERYday , and weekend . I would spend the night with him a lot , and now ... I’m so bored .. I hate life without him , I hate how I poured out my whole heart to someone only to get left . I wasted my time , and now I’m stuck here .. STILL wanting someone who doesn’t want me .. why is it so hard to leave him alone . My sister kept telling me I should’ve left before it got harder to but she never understands me when I say I just can’t .. I love him . Why do I have to start fresh .. I’m not good at these things I just want him . I’m always contemplating on messaging him but I bothered him enough the last three days ... Idk how to learn how to be without him