so today started off bad right when I woke up. I went to shower cause I haven't showered in a few days. as soon as I came out my mom comes inside and starts freaking out on me for not taking the garbage down to be picked up which I had forgotten about because it's not something I remember. I have more important things to remember. and then she went on about how I don't do anything and that I just consume and how I don't work anymore (I do btw but not as much due to my severe sciatica I've had for months) saying all I do is sit in my room on my phone. today was supposed to be a happy day, I was supposed to have my gender reveal today and to my surprise my mom hadn't went out and got me the cake I asked. and so I went outside and asked her where my gender stuff was so I can go do it myself and she uttered the words "move out of my way bitch" And this guys I tell you SET ME TF OFF. I try really hard to control my anger and I'm good most of the time but that went over the line. I screamed and went inside and slammed tf out of the door and went in my room and slammed the door. she came inside and I came out my room and I went right up to her face and was screaming shit that I don't remember. it was along the lines of "I'm doing this my fucking self, I'm by my fucking self I have no one" and I began punching the cabinets next to me and she said "that's not my fault you went out and got pregnant. and with a black boy just to be spiteful because you know your father hates them" I screamed at her to go get my gender stuff as she told me to get out and I kept screaming to give me my stuff(my dad is racist and I don't date or get pregnant by black guys just so it's a big fuck you to him I did it because it's what I and my BD wanted at the time and I'm now a single mother) And at that point I pushed everything off of the counter and my mom said "get out of my house, I don't want you here I don't want to see you" and I yelled back "you can't kick me out so what" and she said that I can come back to sleep but she wants me gone during the day. which I continued to scream at her and then breathe heavy cause I couldn't catch my breath and I had tears in my eyes and I stopped talking and watched her pick of the things I threw off the counter and she said "you're not gonna stare a hole thru me" she then said some shitty ass remark which angered me again and I busted a coffee mug and said your welcome and walked off and she said slam something one more time and I did it and I walked up to her face and screamed "what now what are you going to do" and she kept telling me to leave and shit so I went to my room to sit and think about what just happened then she came in and continued to say shit and then said "you're a waste of a human being" and she shut my door which hurt me so bad. I began to sob into my pillows. you never want to hear that from your mother. and then she comes back in about 10 minutes later again saying I need to leave and she dosent want me there and I don't say anything to her and then she said "I'm shutting your phone off, you want a phone you can pay for it" and I chose not to say anything back. I don't know what her problem is today trying to get under my skin? and keep poking at sensitive subjects like my child and my situation as a single mother. and she knows it sets me off. i feel alone and like I have no one cause my "brother" (not blood) also had blocked me cause of his gf which made him and I get into a fight and I was close to him. like very close. today was supposed to be a good day and I was supposed to have a gender party and it ended to be shit. God I love my life.