My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We were friends for 3 years prior to that. We've been trying to conceive again recently since he has cut out his smoking habit. Our relationship has a lot of ups and downs, but I do love him. I want to be with him. I want his children. That's who I want for the rest of my life. Since he's stopped smoking, he's been on the edge constantly. And I feel like I'm his punching bag. He never takes it out on anyone else, but me it seems like. Let me just say, there's no violence of any kind. But, here's what's going on. I suffer from depression. It comes and goes. I recently quit my job because a supervisor yelled at me and other employees. I've currently been out of a job and applying places. Tough thing is I only really need a job for a month because I'll be teaching come August. So, my depression slowly creeped in about 5 days ago. I told my boyfriend and his response was, "If I ravage you, bone you real good, it will help?" Which I mean, it just sounds like he really didn't know what to say. The following day, he made a comment that the benadryl I took for my allergies prior to that day probably made me think I was depressed, but I wasn't really depressed, just groggy. Which rubbed me the wrong way, honestly. Well, I've been mostly sleeping every day after I felt the depression coming. I'm unmotivated, sad, emotional, and anxious. Yesterday, my boyfriend was off from work. He spent roughly 9 or so hours out of the house. I didn't really see him. From 1-3 pm, I know he went to his supervised visit with his daughters. And he told me he was going to his best friend's home. He was there until 10 pm. During that time, I was at home waiting for him so we could get dinner. By 9:30, I assumed he was just staying with his friend much later. So, I took off to Walmart to buy a carrot cake I was craving. I came home, and he was home. The first thing he did was ask me, where were you??? With a tone. I responded oh nowhere. No attitude or anything. It was just Walmart, which isn't somewhere important. So his response was, "Well, how am I supposed to know you're not off fucking some other guy?" It really boiled my blood. I look like shit guys. I really do. I'm struggling to be motivated. Struggling to even shower. I haven't done my makeup in 5 days. I'm a jobless loser right now who can't even get up from bed or the couch. Who am I going to be fucking??? I tried talking to him today and I told him I'm sick of him accusing me of cheating. And he told me he's sick of me pissing him off. That obviously I went somewhere yesterday and why can't I just tell him where I'm at. Then, I responded, you didn't tell me where you were at? And he said, I was at my friend's fixing his fuel pump, getting my haircut,and drinking. And I was like, it was just Walmart it's nowhere. But, if you want to know my second by second day, you need to do the same for me. It's just a double standard. And he said, I'm going to piss you off if you piss me off. And I told him, it sounds like no matter what I do, say, or not say, it pisses you off. If I breathe, if I talk to you, if I don t talk to you, if I sleep, it always pisses you off. And I walked away. He didn't say a word afterwards. I'm sleeping in another room tonight. I know my depression is making me more anxious than I normally would. But, I feel I don't belong in his life anymore. I don't think he loves me anymore. I can't even drive with him in the car because he gets pissed at me. I feel like he is sick of me. I feel like he keeps me around because I make his life easier because I keep track of the bills, I got us a house, and I help his case in him attempting to get custody of his daughters right now. Because I'm a teacher and because I built this life for us. I just don't know what to think anymore.