It was the early morning hours. The sun was just beginning to rise as my family and I lay sleeping in our bed. All at once, my husbands alarm sounded. He immediately turned it off and my 6 month old and I went back to sleep.

Then my husband decides to storm out of bed because he thinks he’s late. First he drops his phone on the hardwood...

Then he picks up his jeans sprinkling his pocket change all over the floor...

So I’m pissed because I haven’t pumped yet and now my baby is startled and awake and HUNGRY and ITS NOT FEEDING TIME YET!!!

I’m like, “babe, you woke him up you can put him back to sleep now.”

And WHAT does this mother fucker say...

At this point I’m considering how useful he is to me and whether or not I could get away with roundhouse kicking him in the face.

Decided to let him go to work. Made him dinner. Crushed some laxatives into said dinner. Slept soundly while he served his sentence in the bathroom.

Goodnight.