2018 has been the worst year ever. from my first miscarriage in February too many second in May. now my best friend of 16 years passed away on Sunday. this all just still doesn't feel real. each time I feel like I'm starting to feel a little better I get hit with something else. I honestly don't even feel like myself anymore. I feel like a zombie. I'm just going through the motions but not really feeling. all I feel is pain and I don't know what to do anymore.