I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help.

I am in my early 20s and married, though our friends think we are engaged. The marriage felt like a rush. He needed a way to stay in the country and his visa was expiring, so we got married at the courthouse and it was done in 5min. There was never any romantic proposal, nothing. Buying the ring was a chore for him.

Later found out he took pictures of random women’s legs in public when I stumbled on his “collection”. I wanted to leave him then. He suffered from depression and started getting abusive. I made him go to a counselor and nothing helped, he stopped eventually because he wasn’t motivated to go.

I wanted to leave so many times and was told by people here that I had to stay and keep trying. That marriage was holy in God’s eyes. So I stayed and brought him to counseling again. He was diagnosed with autism, sociopathy, and depression. Three more psychiatrists confirmed that and added bipolar. He is still not getting treatment.

We got a house during this mess. I tried to cope as best I could. Nobody knows what I’m dealing with. He gets controlling and dangerous sometimes. Today out of the blue he was in one of his moods. We got into an argument and he basically said he wonders if someone else would treat him better. Someone more “normal”. For backstory, I was considered gifted growing up and have several master’s degrees already. I always hide that from people. I told him when we were dating and while he didn’t like it, he seemed to accept it. He calls me “abnormal” because of this and some other things I happen to be really good at. I don’t exactly brag about myself and I have pretty low self esteem. I was devastated because I have tried so hard, and he basically was telling me that he didn’t like who I was and was putting up with it. He wanted sometimes to be with someone more “normal”.

I was in tears so I left the room. He followed me and tried to corner and grab me. I finally managed to push him away and ran to another room. He chased me and tried to push the door open as I held it closed with my body. I told him to leave multiple times but he kept telling me to open it in this cold voice and trying to force it open. I was terrified. Eventually he suddenly snapped and slammed the door, hard. It slammed into my head so hard that I was nauseous and seeing stars. I feel like I have a concussion now and it hurts so much.

He is back and telling me to open the door again. He tried to lockpick it and is acting normal suddenly and asking me what I want to do together. I told him I’m not opening it because I don’t trust him and I’m scared. He won’t leave. Please help. I don’t know what to do and I’m so confused. Just yesterday we were picking furniture and talking about kids.