My First time..

when I was 13 I went to a party with my older sister, there was an older man (25) there then seemed to be interested in me, some how he got my #.. convinced me to hang out with him. so I did he became my Boyfriend he was extremely controlling no friends/no school I wasn't aloud to do anything like at all. I told my parents I just wanted to do home school and they believed me. the first time we had sex he got me drunk. I hated my life if I tried to break up with him he would say I'm going to kill myself. the abuse want on for 2 years. till I finally broke up with him he called me and said I'm going to kill my self after 2 yeah of say he would and never did I didn't think he could so I said do it!! and he did right then. years later I still can't understand with fuck I was thinking. ..... I'm married now and still have nightmares that he is still alive touching me and controlling me.. I don't understand why I can't move on.