2 years later! I feel comfortable to talk about it publicly!

So back in 2016 my ex and I were expecting, he was so excited that we were having a baby. I already have a son and he already has a daughter from a previous relationship, so after a few weeks of finding out that we were expecting things turned out different. I noticed he was acting strange and hiding things; so I questioned him about it then he tried to get in my head and tell me that I’m overreacting and it’s nothing.

So one day I decided to just do a little digging on Facebook and a woman’s intuition is never wrong. Come to find out that same night he sent me a photo of him and his daughter claiming that they were at a family get together. Now I was at work so I was unable to attend and something went off in my head and I couldn’t help but to just go on his Facebook page and do further digging to only find out that it was a whole entire LIE! This jack ass was at his own baby shower for a whole Nother female that I knew nothing about, still to this day it sits on my mind as to how he was so good at hiding a whole Nother relationship with another woman for 4 years!!

I felt so lost and didn’t know what to do, Where to turn, And who to talk to. I was only three weeks pregnant at the time so After thinking long and hard I decided to not go further with the pregnancy just save myself from the drama and issues I would’ve been dealing with.....It is now two years later and I still cry my eyes out asking god to forgive me because I did not want to get rid of my baby, I feel like I’m stuck in between feeling selfish, and thinking I made the right choice. I definitely need some sort of closure...

sometimes I would randomly go browsing online & in store for baby clothes boy or girl and literally buy anything that I see is cute.

Is something wrong with me? I strongly feel something is wrong. What am I to do?😿😔